163 | Healthy and Busy Can Coexist

You might emotionally eat, but that's not who you are. Shame makes you identify with whatever the struggle is. And so just helping them recognize, oh, like it's okay to struggle, it's okay to be vulnerable, and there's a way out of that.

Welcome back to the Exam Room Nutrition Podcast. I'm your host, Colleen Sloan. I'm a PA and dietitian. And before we get into today's episode, I wanted to let you know that this will be my last brand new episode before I take a short summer break. I love this podcast so much, but summer is also where I try to slow down a little, be present with my family, and give myself some space to think creatively about what I want to bring you next. But don't worry, I will still be in your ears over the summer, just in a different way. Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing the summer school series. A few hand-picked episodes from the archives that I think every one of you should hear. Now, I've published more than 160 episodes of the podcast now, which is honestly insane. And I can assume that most of you, unless you're my super fans, have probably not listened to every single one of them. So I'm pulling out a few conversations that are still incredibly relevant, practical, and worth hearing. Think of it as your summer nutrition refresh. And I'll be back with regular full episodes on August 12th. But until then, enjoy the summer school series. Now for today's episode, I'm joined by Kelsey Wickenhauser. Kelsey is a PA, homeschooling mom of four, Christian health coach, and founder of Kingdom Fit Moms, a faith-based weight loss community helping women break free from dieting and put God at the center of their health journey. And this conversation is such a beautiful one to end on before summer break because we're talking about the real life messiness of health goals, especially for women and moms. We talk about why so many women feel stuck in the diet cycle of restriction, guilt, shame, and starting over. Kelsey shares how she talks about real food without making processed foods and convenience foods feel automatically bad, which you know I appreciated. We also got super practical about meal planning when you have limited time, low motivation, picky eaters, kiddos snacks everywhere, and absolutely no desire to make a Pinterest perfect dinner. If you are a busy working mom or you work with one, you are going to love this episode. So grab your coffee or drive safe and enjoy my conversation with Kelsey. Kelsey, thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. I'm so excited to chat with a fellow PA. So welcome to the show. Thanks, Colleen. Excited to chat today. All right. I can't wait to dig into this topic with you and pick your brain because you work with women who often feel stuck or maybe they want to lose weight. So I'm really curious to hear what are like the most common struggles that they're facing.

Well, I think the number one is shame because women who are in the midst of diet culture, diet roller coasters, they've tried 100 things and it worked. And then life happened and they got off track and probably gained the weight back. And so that cycle just continues. And the things I hear all the time are like, I'm so disappointed in myself. How did I let myself get here again? You know, what's wrong with me? Why do I keep failing? Maybe this is just my lot in life. So I think that's like the number one thing, you know. And I guess along with that, I see initially is just thoughts truly consumed by weight and dieting, waking up thinking about how they look and feel or how they don't want to have to figure out what to wear because they hate how everything in their closet looks. And ultimately, um, you know, women who struggle with this, they're just not able to show up to life abundantly because there's so much food noise around social settings and all of life and you know, what the scale is going to do. So there's a lot of stuff going up there in their minds. And so we just like to, as you know, just help help women to break out of all of those things.

How would you respond when someone is saying, like, I can't believe I let myself do that? Like, what are some of your responses to someone who says that?

Yeah. Well, I think recognition is really one of the greatest keys to healing. And so, for example, I hear a lot of women say, I'm an emotional eater. And so I like to gently just call out, like, you might emotionally eat, but that's not who you are. Shame makes you identify with whatever the struggle is. And so just helping them recognize it's okay to struggle with something, but there's a difference between that and identifying with the thing. And sometimes that alone is enough to shift something in their hearts to be like, oh, like it's okay to struggle, it's okay to be vulnerable, and there's a way out of that.

I love that you kind of help them that there is a path forward and a way to move on. All right. You talk about, and when I did my research on you, you really love the power of real food. I think the messaging currently about like processed food kills, and then we've swung all the way to like you can only eat real food can be kind of demeaning and damaging to patients. So I'm actually very curious to hear how do you recommend real food without making patients feel like, you know, some of those frozen meals or processed foods are automatically bad, dangerous, or harmful. Yeah.

That's a great question. Well, I guess the way that I like to look at it is kind of a good, better, best approach. Yeah. If we had unlimited resources of time and energy and money and we were able to buy all of the perfect things, then you could have a completely 100% real food diet. Probably no problem, right? But the reality is most of us are busy and we have jobs and lives and all of that. So it's not like a you are bad if you eat these things, but it's just a mindset and a heart shift where I want to get well. I want to choose the things that are the very best for me. And if I get off track a little bit, great, I'm gonna hop back in with the next meal and do the best that I can, all while learning. You know, there are, for example, with the frozen meal um option, there are meals that have better ingredients that are pretty, you know. I think Kevin's is one brand you can go for. So I think it's just a journey, right? We we're not about like good or bad, but let's just continue to improve on that spectrum.

Yeah, I love that response. And it's sort of like brings me back to like the semi-homemade vibe, or even like you can incorporate like for your kids chicken nuggets, and then let's add in, kind of fill in some fruits or a veggie on the side, you know, sort of keeping that balance between sanity and your life balance and still enjoyment and pleasure of the foods while at the same time keeping on that journey, whether it be weight loss or just healing your relationship with food. So I really, really love that approach so much that you're not demonizing one certain food or one certain ingredient. And I know my dietitian listeners will really appreciate that too, because a lot of dietitians have that all foods can fit approach when we talk about like, okay, portion size, is there balance throughout the rest of the day, throughout the rest of the week? So that, you know, there is still pleasure and enjoyment in the foods and on that journey that patients are on. Now, my next question kind of brings us back to the first part where you were talking about shame. And so a lot of us are millennials and we are so entrenched in diet culture, whether it be from our upbringing or just the influx of social media messaging. So, what are some of those signs that you're looking for or listening for to tell you that a patient is really still struggling with that dieting mindset?

Well, I think the biggest thing is are we in an I have to mindset or an I get to mindset? And also looking for signs of being on or off. If I'm on or off, then there is this sense of shame when I am off, right? So in our community, we we really talk about restoring the glory of God in real food, but ultimately it comes down to knowing that you are worth the pursuit of good health and being around people and a community that helps you to develop that heart and mindset shift to an I get to, right? I want to serve my body well. The thing I also wanted to just put a little caveat in there, and you know this, like it's hardly the fault of anybody who struggles with this because we're so bombarded, especially as millennials, uh, in fitness and diet culture and all these marketing ploys, which basically thrive on people failing and then looking for the next solution. So if someone's listening to this who's struggling, or maybe you have patients who are struggling, I think it's really important to encourage them or maybe to encourage yourself that it's not your fault. And there is hope to break out of that cycle and to slowly but surely go on this journey to just restoring that. Oh, I get to serve my body well instead of feeling like, oh, I can't have this or this is bad, or I'm off today. I'll start again Monday.

Yeah, I really like that approach and that mindset. And I want to move into the concept of motivation. Um, I think it's sort of a hot topic because some health and fitness professionals, and these are usually ones with zero credentialing or training, will often just say, Well, you need to be motivated. And we know now through research and biology and just history, motivation is maybe a small piece of it. But how do you help patients? Because we do need to be motivated a little bit, right? We do have to have a little bit of a desire to change whatever that goal might be. So, how do you help and coach patients when that motivation is low? Maybe the week is super chaotic because that's real life being working moms or kids have crazy activities every week. How do you coach them through that to kind of stay on that path or on that journey when they're feeling overwhelmed?

I don't think motivation alone probably will ever be the thing that leads to success. I do agree with you though that sometimes we have to find ways to conjure up more motivation. You know, one thing I'm doing inside of the community that I run right now is I created this little like subgroup of clients that I'm coaching called the Consistency Project. And so they have community, they have specific directive on what they're doing every week. They're checking in, they're excited to essentially like brag on what they're doing, right? It's the it's a motivator to be like, I'm doing this, I'm showing up. I think having a specific plan in those busy seasons can be really helpful to help you stay on track. But I think when that fades, as a woman or a man, you know, there has to be this deeper inner knowing that I'm worth taking care of and having a battle plan. Um, in busy seasons, you know, I just think about we just got out of baseball season and we had three kids playing ball at different places. And so there has to be this sense of, okay, healthy and busy are not mutually exclusive. I'm going to uh batch cook on Sunday. We took a crock pot of chicken in the car and just like heated it up at the office and took it with us. You know, there's just this sense of I'm going to do this despite being busy. They're not mutually exclusive.

I really love that concept that healthy and busy is not mutually exclusive. That's a probably a very interesting mindset shift for a lot of a lot of your clients. And based on that answer, um correct me if I'm wrong, but do you think accountability is more important than motivation or not mo more important, but maybe more helpful than motivation is?

I do. I think that we heal in community. And so if you're somebody who knows, like, I tend to get off track, if you have a good sense of accountability, it's not like your best friend who's like, hey, let's go get margaritas on Friday afternoon, you know. But like people who are actually checking in. And um, I I also think with accountability, it's important to have somebody who's further along than you so that you can see testimony of what's possible and to have someone speak truth into you, not somebody at the same level.

Yeah. I am a huge supporter and proponent of accountability. I think it's probably one of the most helpful things on any kind of journey. Yes, a health journey, but in all areas of life, having that partner that is two steps ahead of you can be extremely beneficial. All right. I know a lot of us have kind of probably gone through calorie counting or even, you know, everything that we have now, all the wearables are like so trackable. And so for someone who feels completely overwhelmed by this concept, like what's one of your first steps that you help them work towards their goal, specifically if they want to lose weight?

I love this question. I'm so passionate about starting with real food, because I think when you can have a real food mindset, you can really negate all the calorie, macro, whatever world you've been living in and just really go back to the basics. You know, real food, it naturally is lower calorie. It's full of fiber and protein. And so if we can go back to the basics there instead of being in the weeds, then eventually maybe you want to change body composition, maybe you're trying to lower cholesterol, maybe you have insulin resistance, then you can go into the details of trying to like manage some of those smaller things. If you have a specific need, sure we can tweak that later. But let's not start with the details that are overwhelming you.

How would you approach a woman who is very numbers focused? And I mean more of like, Kelsey, tell me how many grams of protein I should eat, how many grams of carbohydrates, right? Sort of that macronutrient-based sort of diet mindset. Do you offer those numbers? Do you shy away from that? How would you counsel a woman who is presented like that?

Yeah. Uh, well, sometimes they they don't want to stray away from that. And so I think starting with protein, or even like, hey, let's aim for like a palm-sized amount of protein in each meal. Um, sometimes I don't know if you're familiar with like the 21-day fix model where it's like containers. And so sometimes even having like a color system I've found to be helpful where it's like, okay, I'm gonna aim for four palm-sized servings of protein every day and then eat the rest real food. And then we can start to tweak, like, okay, we're having um a lot of in that system, it's yellows, so carbohydrates. So let's back off to two servings of that. So then it's not so much grams per day, but it's like I'm I'm looking at the actual food instead. So that's one thing I do. So sometimes backing off and simplifying for a while, even getting rid of the scale and saying, I'm gonna get my steps, I'm going to eat real food, I'm gonna lift a few times a week, and let's just be consistent in that and see what happens. Sometimes that can be really freeing, but you have to, you have to have the right person who's willing to kind of strip away all the things that they have been really immersed in for a while.

Yeah, and it's scary to do that. We feel like we have so much control when we do have, okay, I have a hit to hit this number of protein or whatever it is that you're tracking, it can be very scary to release that control. That brings me back to thinking about meal plans. So if your clients come to you like, you know, with that mindset of like, oh, you're health coach, you're gonna help me lose weight, you're gonna get put me on a diet. How do you answer that question? And do you offer meal plans? And if you don't, how do you respond to some of your clients who who are like, well, what do I eat?

Yeah. Well, the word diet, I try to redefine that even. It's like the sum of what you eat most of the time, is what a diet is. So it goes back to everything we've already talked about. And then I tell my clients, like, I'm going to empower you to learn how to make your own meal plans. And so I'm going to walk you through how to do that. We use a system online called Plan to Eat where you can like share recipes so you don't feel like you are stuck, you know, trying to figure it all out on your own. So having a community, again, I think that's the accountability piece is can I have some people to bounce ideas off? Let's go back to being really simple. How do you even create your plate? Because then you don't even necessarily have to meal plan. It's like, okay, I got my rotisserie chicken, I have some cucumbers from my garden and some apples. Like, that's great. Make that your meal, you know. So I think it's again redefining maybe I've had some people who have grown up and their moms always made this seven-course meal or whatever. And it's like, you don't have to do that. You can make it very, very simple, and that's okay.

I talked about my uh opinion about meal planning actually in episode 157. And I'm the title is kind of like the spoiler alert of my opinion about meal planning. The title is I hate meal plans, and it says what dietitians do instead. So I think the majority of us, you know, don't really love meal plans because we've probably wasted so much time creating or writing out a two-week, you know, plan for the patient to follow, but we're not in their life. We don't, I don't live day in, day out with their lifestyle, their schedule, their stressors, and things come up as well that you might not be able to stick to that meal plan. And so for me as a clinician, I was getting so burned out creating all these meal plans. And this is way before AI. So it actually took me hours to create, then no one followed it. And I love your approach so much more and how you said that you're going to equip them and teach them how to build kind of their own meal plan based on their preferences, goals, et cetera. I think that's a much more effective approach.

Yeah, the other thing I'll say that once they can own that, one thing that I think is helpful is to have clients pre-log their food once they have an idea of what they like to eat, because it really comes down to the consistency more than anything. And so if they can reduce that decision fatigue, like, hey, I know I'm gonna have eggs and veggies for breakfast, even if it's not like a fancy plan, if they know what they're gonna eat in general, I think that is really helpful. And then if they straight away, okay, great, just hop on to the next meal. But having a sense of this is what I'm gonna eat, and I thought of it myself and I know where I'm going, I think can be helpful without it being like a Pinterest fancy plan.

Yeah.

Pinterest, man, that's gonna be like the death of us, right? There's the at the standard is so high on Pinterest.

Yeah.

Oh all right. I I actually really like what you had just said, and I want to pause for a moment and just kind of sit there because I think finding out what the patient is consuming now tells you a lot of information. So getting like a diet history, it doesn't have to be complicated, but just having them journal out or write down like what are you eating now and tweaking that a little bit. Often it's just like adding in a fruit or a veggie to the breakfast, or maybe swapping out the, you know, packaged meal for lunch that might be a little bit lower in sodium and added sugars. But so you're not really overhauling it completely. You're just making small tweaks because then they're already in that routine and it's not such a big change for them. I'm curious, how do you evaluate what they're currently eating, like, you know, a 24-hour diet recall, and then where do you go from there after that information?

Yeah, I usually have them track for three or four days. And I love what you said about a small tweak. One of the things I tell my clients is you're probably a tweak away from having the desired outcome. So it is like looking at, okay, three or four days. And then, you know, when you've been looking at food logs for years and years, you don't have to do a macro breakdown. You can look at it and be like, oh, like this is one thing you need to change. And I think that's the power of working with somebody who is several steps ahead of you, is that you might not even need to do like a really specific calorie counting, macro, whatever. Like you might be able to have someone look at your food and say, okay, you have one serving of vegetables a day. Like, hey, let's try to do that first and let's try to cut out the processed flour. And that's alone gonna make a huge difference.

Yeah. I love that. Oh my gosh, I love that so much. So when you talk about meal planning with some of your clients, are there certain strategies that have worked well? Like every day of the week is a theme. So Taco Tuesdays and, you know, I don't know, meatless Mondays. I've heard a lot of people do sort of the same meal each week and or like do all the prepping on Sundays. I'm just curious, like in your community, what has worked really well for some of your clients?

Food does not have to be complicated. So one of the things I like to encourage anyone to do when they start is to create like your family catalog of go-to meals that are everybody can agree on, that are really simple. So maybe scrambled eggs, who doesn't love taco bowls, maybe it's um a rotisserie chicken with bag salads, like have things that you know that people will eat that are really simple. Batch cooking is a great way to do that. So if you're making a whole bunch of chicken, then you could save some for soup, make fajitas, uh, put it in some sort of salad. I personally think the best way to think about the week is how do I plan for dinners, eat leftovers for lunch, and then make breakfast really simple, especially if you're on the go. That way you know you have extra food. And then I think if you can get to the point where you have a little bit of margin, maybe one time a week, you're intentionally making a little bit extra. So you start saving up fruit freezer meals because when you get sick or your dog dies, or you're having a hard week, you know, and you have those meals stored away, your future self will be so grateful. So just slowly starting to implement that. But that's maybe more of an advanced strategy once you kind of nail down, okay, this is a rhythm for my week.

Yep. You know, we're in summer, so kids are home for summer, which can be can feel really chaotic because now you're having to go from like feeding them like breakfast and dinner to like breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, snack, endless meals. And so I'd love to hear, uh, maybe coming from you, even just as mom, what are some healthy lunch ideas that work for really busy families that don't require a lot of cooking? Cause it can feel like you're in the kitchen, like just all day in the summer.

Yeah. Well, even to your snack comment, I think having some sort of like snack tray, like these are your options for the week. And so So you don't have to even manage that. Or maybe there's like, I've had some moms who say this is mom's shelf, this is a kid's shelf, so they know exactly where to go. I think boundaries there are good, but charcuterie boards are amazing. So again, maybe you guys spend time together on the weekend cutting it up and it's all in this tupperware, and you say, Here's lunch, you can choose your own adventure. Two of these, one of these, one of these, sandwich or salad bars, depending on what your kids do. I think smoothies are really easy too. And again, a lot of kids can kind of learn to do that on their own or some sort of yogurt bar. I kind of, yeah, having things that they can kind of choose and get out and then put away themselves is great.

Yeah. Now you've dropped a few words throughout this podcast that give myself, the listener, an indication of sort of where your mindset is and your philosophy is when you coach clients. And that is a faith-based type of program. And so many women actually connect their health goals to deeper values. And I love how you kind of have weaved that throughout a lot of your answers, talking about how identity is so important. And I would love to kind of unpack that and have you explain like why or how does faith change the way a woman approaches discipline, consistency, and maybe even grace with their food journey?

Yeah, I think the biggest thing is realizing that our life has so much purpose and that we are designed for greater calling than just ourselves, right? And when we are healthy, we can live that out in freedom without being bogged down by poor energy or shame or thinking about weight. So when you realize, like, wow, when my cells are working well through the power of real food and stress management and all the things, like my life will be better in every aspect. So there's that piece of it. And then there's also something I do with clients called root work. And it's figuring out, it's just like functional medicine, right? But it's for the heart and figuring out why the struggle with weight exists? And I've yet to meet somebody. I've worked with hundreds of women. I've yet to meet somebody who's been on a diet roller coaster who does not need more inner work and healing to be set free from that chronic dieting. So using food for comfort or stress management or sadness or loneliness or whatever, it tells us that something's going on at a deeper level that needs healing. So that's part of what I do with my clients. We dive to figure out what actually is going on, why the struggle with weight started in the first place. And then sometimes it's praying through traumatic areas of life or unmet needs or whatever's going on, and then inviting God to heal those parts of us. And this is done through a variety of ways, you know, community or scripture, prayer. Sometimes it's just an awareness and a recognition for why the struggle exists. That I'm not crazy, I'm not broken, but um there's another part of me that needs healing. And really the struggle with weight is just the fruit of what else is going on inside of my soul.

I love that. And I commend you so much for that because I mean, I say this over and over and over again. Most of our patients do not need more nutrition information. We are in an information age. Like you can AI anything right about now, right? Like we all have an idea of basic, quote, healthy eating. For most of us, that's common sense. And I love how you really get deeper into like, was there a hurt? Is there shame that's linked into it? What is that emotion that's linked to it? And how can a better understanding of your identity in God and who God says you are help you live that out better? So that's really incredible and I think very effective work. Kelsey, this has been such a really great conversation. I've loved learning from you. And I'm sure some of my listeners are like, ooh, how can I get connected with her? So you've got your own podcast, a great social media platform. So if someone wants to connect with you, where can they find you online?

Yeah, so I have a podcast called Kingdom Fit Moms, or you can find me on Instagram, Kelsey Wickenhauser, and I'll send you a freebie if anybody is struggling with consistency. I have a consistency reset that I'll send over for anyone who needs little help.

I love that. I will link down to that below in the show notes. But Kelsey, thank you so much for the gift of your time. Thank you for the work that you do. Thanks for having me, Colleen. Thank you so much for carving out some time for nutrition with me today. As a quick reminder, I'm taking a short summer break from publishing brand new full episodes, but I'll still be in your feed with the summer school series, and regular full episodes resume on August 12th. In the meantime, stay connected with me in my email newsletter. You can sign up at examroomnutrition.comslash sign up or just check the show notes for the link. Enjoy the summer school series, and I'll see you back here on August 12th. Have an amazing summer.